The holiday season is kicking my butt.
I still keep in touch with a lot of the mothers that I connected with throughout my pregnancy that were due at the same time as me, and every time I see a photo of one of their babies in a Santa hat, or an ornament that says ‘baby’s first Christmas’, I just want to jump out a window.
I haven’t even started Christmas shopping yet. Every time I try, my brain shuts down. This probably has something to do with the fact that I need to buy a gift for my nephew, who is 5 months old, and who happens to have the name that we were originally going to give our son. He was originally due only 10 weeks before Brock. I spent much of my pregnancy happy that they were going to be so close together, thinking that our boys would practically have a twin to grow up next to.
Of course, now that my son is missing from that picture, I can’t even look at photos of my nephew without having a meltdown.
I need this year to end so I can start to operate on the hope that 2015 will be nowhere near as shitty.