I apologize for my absence; the last couple of weeks have been both hectic and trying. My husband was struggling at work with the holidays looming over our heads, so he took some time off. I also started my new job shortly afterwards, and have ultimately just been trying to take care of myself (and him) since.
As expected, Christmas was a catastrophe. We stayed home and avoided interacting with people wherever possible. We had a Christmas Eve brunch at my in-laws’, and a Boxing Day dinner, and just attending those activities was a pretty big feat – I doubt we could have handled more than that. A couple of our friends who didn’t have plans came over in the afternoon on Christmas day and helped us take our minds off of things by distracting us with video games and alcohol. The night still ended with me bawling into a wine glass, but it beat out the alternative – I’d expected to be a blubbering mess all day, so the camaraderie was actually quite helpful, in that regard.
I typically don’t like to subscribe to big holidays or arbitrary milestones, but I cannot wait for 2015 to get here. I don’t exactly have any New Years’ Resolutions or anything (again, a silly concept – I don’t feel like it should take a new year to tell me that I should make improvements to my life, I should just make them at my own discretion) but so many terrible things happened to me in 2014 that I wholly look forward to having this year be in the past. This was easily
the worst year of my life thus far, so I look forward to wiping the slate clean and restarting in 2015. Even if you don’t account for the stillbirth (which is easily the worst part of the year), I also worked the most demanding, terrible job I’ve ever had, made several poor judgement calls in other departments, and did a lot of stupid things. I keep wishing that I would wake up tomorrow to find that it was all a terrible dream, that this year never happened, and I could redo it all again with the knowledge I have now. I could make things work out so
I don’t know what the new year has in store for me… all I know is that, whatever it is, it’s got to be an improvement on what this year had to offer. My present motto is “2015: things can only get better.“