With my last pregnancy, I was extremely lucky to avoid morning sickness almost entirely. I combated with nausea and vomiting for all of two, maybe three, weeks; it started around week 6 1/2 and was gone completely by week 9. I only threw up twice, and both times the cause was clearly traced back to my prenatal vitamin, which I promptly changed when I realized it was making the issue worse.
This time around, my symptoms came in a lot slower, and it was one of many things that worried me in my first couple weeks of pregnancy. I finally began a long fight with nausea, vomiting, and other stomach grievances about a week ago; I’m still managing a lot better than most women do, and I am fully aware of (and appreciate) this, but I am definitely not feeling too great the last few days, and this is the main reason why I haven’t been writing as much as I normally might be.
With that said, I’m actually really happy that I feel awful. All the gassiness, indigestion, nausea and the complete lack of energy are reassuring to me – they tell me that things are, probably, going well. I’m trying to resolve to enjoy every little thing along the way this time – good, bad, or anywhere in between. Our future baby deserves that.
On that note, I have read quite a few good articles in the last week or so that touch on a lot of important topics regarding child loss. The one that I think was the most interesting was this one, which is about a young woman who grew up in the wake of a dead sibling. It talks about a lot of unique things you might not consider in that kind of situation, like the fact that they will also move forward with their lives wondering what could have been if their sibling(s) before them were also around. It’s very interesting to see it from another perspective.
Another one is a great catch-all about things that friends and family can do to help their bereaved friends survive a loss. It has a lot of valuable information and good suggestions, and is quite eloquently worded: you can read it here. I posted this on my Facebook page as a hint to my friends and family. I know one person who definitely ‘got’ it, but am not too sure if it worked on anyone else.
This one really spoke to me because it talks about medical professionals making a grievous error because they didn’t trust this poor mother’s word. She lost her twins to premature labour – while in a hospital, on bed rest – because a faulty machine would not pick up her contractions and, since the machine said everything was fine, they didn’t believe her when she said she was in extreme pain. It brought me right back to the 19th of October, with my midwife looking at an NST strip, saying “Nothing about this concerns me” and pointing to instances on the tape where Brock had ‘moved’ (in all likelihood, those ticks in the tape were times where the monitor had slipped off my belly, or I’d been moved into a different position to try and get better results). This article advocates for practitioners to have more faith in their patients and trust a mother’s intuition instead of just taking a test at face value, and about how a doctor’s personal beliefs or preferences can severely impact whether or not someone has a positive outcome in a pregnancy. These are things that truly need more attention, and she is right to try to bring attention to it. The circumstances surrounding her loss are simply heartbreaking:
I was already in the high-risk pregnancy ward at a highly rated hospital. I didn’t have any distance to drive, nor traffic to sit in that delayed my treatment. Instead, a machine was believed over the patient.
At the moment, I’m pretty much just trying to get by on a day-to-day basis, humouring a couple of possible future projects, and trying to make some important decisions. My personal life has been pretty hectic and that, combined with my sickness, is keeping me busy. On a lot of days, I actually feel somewhat like a normal person, and I have conflicting feelings about that. I’ll make sure to mention it when I have decided exactly how I feel about it, whenever that happens to be.